So lately with all this time on my hands while waiting for my exam day I have had opportunity to ponder my life and my relationships. I have realized that I allow my insecurities to dictate the state of my relationships and that hurts me. It is something I would like to change about myself; my best friend recently got married, we live in different states but she invited me! I wanted to go but wasn’t really sure about going after not having been in her life physically for some years(insecurity). Due to changes in our lives we basically interact on FB and that is not the best way to maintain a relationship; however, with her current friends who I see on FB appearing to have an awesome time( everything on FB is not real), I didn’t know where I fit in the relationship and I allowed the feelings to have so much power over my decision about going to the wedding. Not my greatest decision, we have been friends since we were 5years old and our families did everything together so she was and now I realize still is a big part of my life. I wish that I would have realized all of this prior to the wedding; sometimes things do not hit me until after the fact. I thought about the time when she came to visit me while I was in the hospital and when she encouraged me during a rough period. We were always together and I somehow thought that had changed since we are not together as we were growing up. Relationships evolve, but the heart never changes.
My own insecurities cause me to question my friendship and lead me to make a decision that I will regret. Now that I see how much I allowed my own fears to dictate my behavior, it is up to me to change this pattern of behavior. Change requires action, I don’t want to live my life full of regrets and missed opportunities be a part of the lives of the people I love. I do not have all of the answers on how to begin; my first step is to check my feelings of insecurity before making decisions in my relationships. Am I deciding not to participate because of some feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection, or anything from the negative tape recorder that tends to come up. If I am then I want to challenge myself to do the opposite action. Now, I know that this change is not going to happen overnight, but I believe that putting this desire out in the universe will at least be the beginning of taking action to change the type of friendships I have.
” Best friends are people you know you don’t need to talk to every single day. You don’t even need to talk to each other for weeks, but when you do, it’s like you never really stopped talking”